Would you like apple cider with that?

Earlier this week I was volunteering at one of the house musuems downtown. The first day I entertained the visitors with information about the room I was assigned. The second day I charmed the company and monitored the refreshments. This is when I realized that there wasn't much difference between me and the women that lived here two hundred years ago. I smiled and told tourist to check out our garden and try the cookies and cider while the portrait of Cornelia stared blankly at me. I think she secretly knows that I am an awkward, independant woman posing as a charming southern belle (without the accent). While I love the history of the house and learning more about it, I can't help but feel artificial when I put my "professional face" on for the visitors. But being bland and resigned isn't what they paid for. Just like the woman who stared at me I was using my knowledge and skills to be presentable to those around me. It really got me to thinking. What is my role in society? I am capable of playing the role of a traditional woman in a historical sense. Becoming a teacher isn't really ground breaking for women. While I know that I can do jobs like this perfectly, I also know that there is another side of me that needs to be challenged.

Christmas?!

This madness and tradition has to stop. While I enjoy how this holiday brings family together, I feel that this holiday has lost its meaning in our house. Now that I am older, I realize that this doesn't satisfy me. Every year we put up our tree, we search for the perfect gifts, and presents litter the bottom of our tree. There is the occasional eggnog and movie with family--everything that suits tradition. Sounds about right. Here is the question: where is Jesus? He wasn't wrapped in any of my presents, and I most certainly didn't see him at the dinner table. While being around family is fun, it isn't satisfying if we fall into this commercialized concept of our holiday. I would love to restructure the way we do things, but I don't have the guts to take down tradition. Who am I to change the way our family does things? I can make some suggestions. Here is a list of things I think can re-channel our focus:

1. As much as I enjoyed this when I was little, I think we should do away with the presents. This is by far my biggest distraction on this holiday.

2. Incorpate scripture into our celebration.

3. Actually learn some real Christmas songs.

4. Volunteer work!!!

This sounds great right, but here is where everything gets complex. No one wants to give up that nice traditional family time and good feelings that holiday cheer brings. There is that "Things won't be the same" effect. Maybe if we do this little by little it can happen. While I don't think that all this hype about Jesus should be constricted to just one of the two important days in a Chrsitian's life, I do think that we should remember why we personally acknowledge this holiday at this time of year.

Princess and the Frog

Well I saw the Princess and the Frog movie today and I realized something about me (that almost never happens when watching a cartoon Disney movie). So here is my defect: I focus too much on my life plans (my "dream" in princess terms) than taking time to absorb life. Perhaps maybe I am also running from love too, but I won't admit that. Everything just seems stable when I only have to focus on one thing at a time. I am not a great multi-tasker. After seeing the movie my new dilemma is whether I can do both or if it is better for me to choose. I guess I can be open to having a relationship before I decide that it isn't for me. Mabye this love thing isn't so bad, but it is something that I only plan on trying once. If it doesn't work the first time I'm going back to doing what I'm good at--being a friend and helping others. So I guess this is my public confession of my fear. I would also like to take the chance to apologize to the two guys whose numbers I threw away this month. I did it out of fear of distraction and fear of the unknown. I am sure you are great people and you will probably never see this blog, but it makes me feel better. Lets see if I can put my words to action (I bet $5.00 I won't). To prove that I am open to this love thing I will call the next guy that gives me his number.

I learned from the best

So earlier when it was yesterday, I did two important things: I bought my father's Christmas present and I visited my old high school. The Christmas shopping went as expected. I walked in the store, went to the planned destination, and grabbed the sought item (which happened to be four dollars less than I thought). Then I drove to my old school and waited until the school day ended before entering. Got some praying done in the forty minutes I waited. Then things started piecing together like a puzzle. Of course, I thought I had something to do with it, but it was all God.

I walked into the building, and a smile of fimilairity crept across my face. I couldn't even contain it. Yep. I went around smiling like dork. I instantly felt like I was a student again, but once again I was working on a time limit. I had 15 minutes to visit Schetski and somehow make time to run into Mr. Wallace. It wasn't too much work though. All I had to do was walk into Schetski's class, and the rest unfolded nicely. He happened to have bus duty with Mr. Wallace, which I discovered when I followed him to the bus ramp. We talked for a little while. I discovered that our school is getting "more better" with time in our art competitions. I'm proud of us. I got to brag a bit about how I met Tim O'Brien, and talk about my classes and my major. Unfortunately, before I knew it I was out of time like Cinderella at the ball. I wanted to stay and talk longer. I wanted to visit all of the other teachers that had an impact on my life. See how they all have aged gracefully. Tell them more about my college adventures. Have intellectual conversations about what I've learned. At least visit your classroom. Thank you all one more time. But this time I left in peace with where God put me. I don't have any regrets or things I wish I could have changed because God allows things to happen in His timing and I'm learning to trust that. I smiled and said goodbye, and I've never trusted You more. Every grey is one step closer to Wisedom and seeing Divinity.

PS. I saw four random things that made me smile on the inside on my little visit: Swerin and his kids (talk about dedicated dad), the portrait I did of Mrs. Summerford hung neatly beside the door, Kayla from CFC last year, and Jessica from CFC my sophomore year (She was visiting too).

Dear God, I will continue to pray........

So much to say in so little time

I've got a question for You God:

Why give me the answers and not enough time to share them?

Is it my fault that I hesitate, or do You purposely let things happen as soon as I get the courage to share what is on my heart? I realized today that although I am at a state of comfort and certainty in my faith, this is the age that most people experince uncertainty and doubt in their faith. Not only do I feel comfortable, I even feel that I can answer the questions that they sometimes have about faith. While I don't know everything, there is no doubt that You have given me wisdom and a clear perspective about certain things. Sometimes I feel that it is best for the person to come to that understanding on their own, and then there are other times when I feel that I can give valuable advice. Some how the words never make it out of my mouth or time runs out. It happens so many times that I am beginning to think that You are behind it. Why give me this understanding then? I am beginning to think You want me to deliver it in a different, shorter package, but I'm not as creative as You think. Like tonight for instance, just as I was about to say, "Hey, you should trust the Holy Spirit in guiding you on what to believe whenever you get confused by the Bible because God can open your eyes and help you understand when your mind isn't capable of doing it. Sometimes when we keep our eyes on the bigger picture the little things start making sense." Unfortunately, I had 3 seconds to convey that and what came out was, "I will pray for you." Both should be just as effective. I've really been into the power of prayer lately, but if that's the way to help people why load me with all of this advice? Is it my pride that wants to always give an answer?

This got me thinking. If I only have a couple of seconds to tell someone something important, what words and phrases would be the most important. I need to come up with an effective way to communicate in few words for when those times arise. (A light bulb just went off). This is what bible verses are for. If I run out of time, I can shout out the bible verse closest to what i want to say. Luke 12:22-23 can say a lot with one word a few numbers. While this isn't the strategy for every situation or everyone, it can work for the situations when I am advising a Christian friend. The new problem is getting to know my Bible well. As for those other moments, prayer will have to be suffice until God permits the right timing for me to speak. God I trust You. I don't know why I feel like I am on mute right now, but in the end You always have some bigger plan beyond me to carry out your work. I just guess I will have to sit back and watch how things play out as I pray. Just because I can't say it doesn't mean that I can't write it. Maybe You just want to focus on writing down these things more than speaking them. Whatever it is, I just ask that You open my eyes to understanding You more and to your plan for how I use the wisdom You have placed in my life.

S.

Home Sweet Home

So, I have been home for a couple of days now and all I've done is sleep and weave. It feels weird having a break. I don't know what to do with myself. As a result, I have gotten no less than 12 hours a sleep each day. In between the sleeping and the weaving I have noticed that my family has been a littled stressed out and that they don't share my energetic joy. I realize that it is unrealistic to expect them to sync their feelings with mine, but where is the holiday cheer? I need to sprinkle some happy dust on them.